To Whom...(Part II)

In these two months I've been obsessed with finding whatever answers I needed. I have found more than I bargained for. I created a new emotional connection with a member...even though I warned myself of the dangers of doing so. I've created havoc all around me...my life is complete disarray....
and the only reason I can give for why I would write this...why I am writing this now is because I know how close I came this morning to breaking down.....I hold on to what strength I have....but I know my life is pressing so close down around me...I have to seek psychological help or .....I cannot continue in this manner.....

I thought I would find my balance with the Light and the Dark. I thought I could find unity in the path that I had found myself years before. I thought I could find my peace ...that I would find those that would accept me and be honest with me and themselves....
I don't want to think that I have lost all that, but I may have been wrong about my timing....perhaps I was too idealistic that this would all work out for me....perhaps I've been too serious about this. I just never wanted to believe in a lie. And i've been hurt so much I am afraid that I don't know the truth when it is before me.
I've lived in the darkness for years and I knew I was the only one that could heal my pain. It is my lesson and my experience to learn from...it is not right for another to take that experience for themselves, when they have their own lessons and experiences to learn from.

I wanted to be around those that could accept me fully for what I've gone through and for the creature that I am today...even amidst my doubt and fear of an unknown future.

Take this however you may. Now you know a piece of me. This is my truth.
I am withdrawing from this group for an indeterminate amount of time. I cannot say if I will return or if I would be even welcomed anew. I may leave my profile dormant or else I may eventually leave the group altogether and decide at another time whether I should return.

Thank you to those of you who took the time to converse with me...and to those of you whom I did not get the privilege to speak with...it was wonderful to share your company regardless.